PS I Love You
by iMissa
Summary: Naruto’s a matchmaker, Sakura’s oblivious, and Sasuke’s swimming in a river in Egypt. They’re going to kill a lot of trees before they get anywhere. Cowritten with Epiff Annie. SasuSaku AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I'd LIKE to own. But that's a LOT different from _actually _owning it. So yeah, I don't own. Neither does Annie. And if she does... I'M TAKIN OUT THE TIN FOIL, ANNIE. (Which is basically a joke only she'll get, but okay.)**

**Naruto is bold, Sasuke is italics, obviously.

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**Psst. Sasuke.**

_What do you want, dobe?_

**Sorry to take your attention away from Sakura-chan, teme. But what's Gai-sensei on about?**

_First of all, you moron, I have NO IDEA what you're talking about, and Gai-sensei's talking about Coulomb's Law. Idiot. Pay attention._

**You lie. I know you want her. You want her ba-a-ad. And who's Coulumb?** **I have better things to do than listen to The Spandex King. Unlike you, ****N312D.**

_I do NOT want that annoying female. You're obviously delusional. Have you been at the shrimp ramen again? Because you know what that stuff does to you. And THIS is the reason why __**I **__am passing and you are not._

**Shrimp ramen pwns your scrawny ass. Last time was a fluke. **

If you don't want her, can I have her? 

_Shut up, I don't have a scrawny ass. (Have a confession to make, dobe?) And no, you can't have her. You know she wouldn't date you, anyway. Besides, what about Hinata?_

**What **_**about**_** Hinata?**

**Sakura-chan is my one true love. She needs someone to appreciate her!**

**And don't give me nightmares, Sasuke. EW, your butt is nasty.**

_Honestly, dobe, are you BLIND? Hinata's been in love with you since DAY. ONE. And Sakura's got enough fanboys to appreciate her. _

Also, I'm sure my fangirls will disagree with you on my butt. 

**Then why does she keep fainting around me? And I think someone's a bit jealous! I'm gonna tell her! **

Your fangirls are scary. Also, they have no taste. Who would like YOU? Even poor Sakura-chan is so misguided. Good thing she has me to set her straight. 

_Because she LIKES YOU, IDIOT. She gets all flustered around you and therefore, she faints. Dumbass. And I. AM. NOT. JEALOUS. _

That's something you and I agree on. But they HAVE good taste; they're just airheads. And, again, she is NOT going out with you. 

**I bet if I ask her she'll say yes. She can teach me about this Cool 'Em guy. **

Really? Well, Hinata and I'll be talking soon. ; )

If they had any taste, they would go for someone worthy - like me! 

_What the HELL are you talking about?_

_Also, dobe, you DO realize that that'd kind of be like cheating on Sakura, right? And she wouldn't go out with you because Hinata's her friend, anyway. _

Oh please, they made a WORTHY decision. Smart hot guy will always beat the dumbass. 

**I'm talking about the fact that Sakura-chan is pretty, smart, and nice, and she'll teach me because my best friend is too busy mooning over her to do it himself. **

What can I say? I'm a pimp!

And I see no hot guy - just an emo nerd. YES, YOU HEARD ME. EEEEMMMMMOOOO. 

_I am NOT mooning over her, idiot. Have you been reading your mom's magazines again? Sakura is smart, that's about it. _

Also, you're not a pimp. You wish, but it isn't happening, dobe.

And I'm not emo, ass-face. 

**Don't deny it. I know you dream about her at night. DON'T FIGHT IT, MAN.**

_I'm not you, dobe. And weren't you just saying that you want you and Sakura to get together? Then why are you trying to get me to admit my supposed feelings for her?_

**'Cause unlike you, I CARE about my friends. I want Sakura-chan to be happy. And I want you to quit swimming in De Nile.**

_Sakura seems perfectly happy, idiot. And __**The Nile **__is simply a river in Egypt._

_And stop bugging me and start paying attention._

**Admit you're warm for Sakura-chan's form and I will.**

_HELL NO. Who TALKS like that, anyway? "Warm for her form." Seriously?!_

_**I **_**talk like that, obviously. You are so stupid. **

DO IT. Or I'll tell Sakura you sleep in footie jammies. 

_I DO NOT, MORON. I can't even FIT into those, anymore. Dumbass. And YOU'RE the stupid one. Didn't I tell you to stop bothering me?_

**ANYMORE? So you admit that you USED TO? HAHAHAHA! **

And didn't I tell you I would if you admitted you LURVE Sakura-chan? 

_When I was younger, obviously. Shut up, I was five. And you used to also; I have pictures. _

FINE THEN, YES, DOBE, I LOVE SAKURA WITH THE HOT, FIERY PASSION OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS, AND SHOULD I NOT PROVE THIS I'LL DO 100 LAPS AROUND THE GYM.

Happy now? 

"Sasuke-kun? Naruto? What are you guys doing? Class is about over."

Sasuke froze, looking up to see the very topic of their notes staring at them curiously.

"Nothing, Sakura. Naruto was just being an idiot and not paying attention, as usual."

Sasuke shot Naruto a sideways glare, daring him to speak. Unfortunately, Naruto was the only one not afraid of Sasuke, and he only grinned, handing him a note under their table.

**Hehehe. This is too good.**

Naruto smirked at Sasuke, then looked at Sakura, azure eyes wide with feigned innocence. "Yeah, Sakura-chan, Sasuke was just explaining the laws of attraction." Here he snickered, and Sasuke kicked him under the table.

_Shut up, dobe. DO NOT TELL HER, OR I WILL PUT YOUR HEAD IN A TOILET._

"But I don't know if he got it right. He's kind of an idiot," Naruto added in a stage-whisper. "So you tell me?"

He handed over the note, and Sasuke barely managed to stop himself from making a grab for it, instead choosing to start packing up his books, trying very hard to look like he didn't care. "Hn."

"Well, okay." Sakura said, with an odd look at Sasuke as she unfolded the note. "What don't you understand, Naruto?"

"What I don't get," Naruto began as Sakura scanned voer the words, eyes going wide. Beside him, Sasuke tensed. "Is how he hasn't slammed you against a desk and taken you right here by now."

"Naruto," Sasuke began, his tone laced with warning and potential-violence, and Sakura stared at Sasuke for a moment

"It's because he doesn't like me, Naruto." She smiled, but Naruto frowned, because underneath that smile and those bright eyes was a lingering sadness.

He scowled at Sasuke, as if to say, "See what you've done?" just as the bell rang. Sasuke got up and swung his bag over his shoulder. As Sakura turned to leave, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and, with a long-suffering sigh, said, "Sakura."

Sakura froze in the midst of picking up her own book bag, and turned to him. "Yeah?" She asked with forced nonchalance. Sasuke wasn't fooled; when she looked at him, it was with that usual sad green gaze.

"I'll give you a ride," he mumbled, not looking at her. Beside him, Naruto shifted, a wide grin on his face.

"What was that, Sasuke? Speak up, would you?" he said, loud enough for the rest of the class to turn to them.

Sasuke shot Naruto a sour look, then grabbed Sakura by the arm, and walked her out of the classroom, ignoring the grinning Naruto and the whispers from their class.

"I'll give you a ride home, okay?" Sasuke muttered.

Sakura tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, dropping her gaze to her feet and trying not to smile. "If it's not too much trouble...?"

"You're not," Sasuke said shortly.

This time, she _did _smile. "Really? You don't mind driving me home? I mean—" She was babbling. Oh God, why her? "—My house is kind of out of the way, and I know you have training with Kakashi-sensei—" Great, now she sounded like a stalker. "…Um, am I annoying you?" she asked with a wince.

Sasuke turned to unlock his black Mercedes – a gift for his seventeenth birthday. "Just get in the car, Sakura."

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**A/N-- Okay, so FOMD readers, don't kill me-- the fic idea was ALL Annie's idea. I was all for a one-shot, but, well, I can't deny that girl ANYTHING. But, uhm, reviews are gold! So how about you make me rich and review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Neither Annie nor I own the (for the most part) greatness known as Naruto. You guys should probably be thankful for this.

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**WAZZAP, HOMEDAWG?**

_...No. Just...no, Naruto._

**Don't be so jealous of my madd skillz, Sasuke-G!**

_Please go to the nearest bridge and jump off it. Why the hell are you so hyper? It's 9:30 in the morning. Freak._

**It's called coffee! Also, MOTION REJECTED. Dawg.**

_You must have stolen some from Sakura, since she's talking to Bushy Brows. And SMILING._

**Oooh, someone's jealous! Also, slightly obsessed. You're a creepo stalker, you know that?**

_Excuse me? I don't STALK, Naruto. And I'm not jealous, either. Tch. Annoying. _

**Annoying equals I LOVE YOU, SAKURA. MARRY ME in Teme-ese.**

_NOT._

**Oooh, good comeback. Please teach me in the ways of LAME.**

_Oh please, I own your ass in just about everything, dobe. _

**Well, I **_**PWN**_** you, biatch.**

_In your dreams, maybe._

**I don't dream of you. I dream of Sakura!**

_...That is sick, Naruto. Speaking of Sakura, is it just me or did Lee just shift closer to her?_

**What, no jealousy? **

CALL SECURITY. HE ACTUALLY _**DARED**_** TO LEAN OVER AND READ HER NOTES? BLASPHEMY!**

_I am NOT jealous. _

Oh yeah? Then why is his hand close to hers and why are his fingers moving towards hers? 

**...Intervention!**

"Hey! Bushy-Brow!"

"Naruto-kun! Your youthfulness touches me, such is the vibrant loudness of your voice! What can I do for you?"

"You can get your meaty paws off my buddy's girlfriend," Naruto said under his breath, nudging Sasuke impishly. To Lee, he said, "Come here! Because my vibrant voice is in need of youthifying!"

Lee jumped up from his desk, yelping a "Yosh!" as he bound over to the blonde.

Sasuke looked over at Sakura. She looked puzzled, one head cocked to the side, notebook dangling limply from her hands. When she saw Sasuke looking at her, she reddened, smiling shyly.

"Go, man." Naruto urged underneath his breath. Sasuke shot a sideways glare at him.

"_Don't _tell me what to do, dobe." He muttered, but got up anyway and walked casually over to Sakura, grabbing his things as he did.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun!" she greeted when he was close enough, not without some surprise. She paused. "Um, did you need something?"

"Hn." He muttered, wondering why he _was _there. "What did you get for question five?" He asked, seating himself next to her so that Lee wouldn't have a chance to when he returned.

"I did a Feminist critique, but you could do Marxist, too - they both work well for the story," Sakura answered, flipping through her notebook. As she did so, her bare arm brushed Sasuke's sleeve, and she had to work to suppress a smile. "Thanks for the ride yesterday, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke shrugged. "It wasn't a problem, not like your house was out of my way."

"Still nice of you," Sakura mumbled, embarrassed. She looked around, desperate for a distraction. "What's Lee doing? He wanted my help on Structuralism..."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed at the mention of the overly-enthusiastic boy before his face was completely blank again. "He's helping Naruto at the moment," he said coolly.

Sakura's brows furrowed. "Lee doesn't get it himself, though. I should go help them..."

"He'll be fine, Sakura," Sasuke told the female. "If anything, he can always ask the teacher."

Sakura gave Sasuke an odd look. "If our teacher was anyone but Kakashi-sensei, I would agree," she said with a nervous little laugh. Why was Sasuke-kun being so weird? "I'll be right back, Sasuke-kun." And before she could ponder over how strange it was to reassure Sasuke of her company for once, she was out of her chair and heading towards Lee and Naruto.

Sasuke sighed, tapping his pen irritably against the paper and trying not to (though failing miserably) sneak looks at Sakura and Lee.

He really didn't care that Sakura was leaning over Lee's shoulder to point out the answers in the text in front of him and Naruto. He really didn't care that that dimple was appearing in her right cheek from when she smiled at the two of them. He didn't care that he had left his seat to come to her, and she still found her way to Lee.

Really. He didn't care.

He grew more irritated as he watched Sakura smile again at Lee and then laugh at something he said.

Stupid Lee, hitting on Sakura so _obviously_. Stupid Sakura, for not _noticing _that Lee was hitting on her.

Just then the loudspeaker crackled, and a girl's voice filled the room.

"Just a reminder, guys!" The voice of the senior class president, Ino, crackled through the speaker. "The Student Government is trying really hard to raise money for the seniors at the end of the year," The class cheered, Naruto hollering especially loudly. Sasuke sighed. Why was he here again? he wondered, determined to _not _glance at acertain very oblivious girl. Ino, over the intercom, went on, "and to raise that money, we _all _have to chip in. The bake sale is in only two weeks, and we need everyone to bring in their baked goods. This may be for the seniors, but hey, you little guys, your turn's coming up, and karma goes a long way!" She laughed. "So, you know, start baking!"

There was a click, and she was gone.

"Sorry that took so long, Sasuke-kun," Sasuke glanced up at Sakura, who looked confused at the obvious annoyance in his eyes.

"Hn."

"So, uhm, did you get the answer you were looking for?" Sakura asked awkwardly.

"Yeah." She glanced down at his paper, the number five blank, and then looked at him.

"So, uh, how about that bake sale? Are you going to participate?" He nodded shortly, and Sakura bit her lip. _I wonder what's bothering him..._

"What do you think you're going to do?" Sasuke looked up at her, hands clutching her notebook to her and biting her lip. He had upset her.

Sasuke sighed. Stupid pink-haired females that seemed to know how to get underneath his skin.

"Not sure. I'm thinking I might do a cake. Perhaps Pineapple Upside-Down Cake." He paused. "You?"

Sakura smiled, seeing that he had gotten over whatever mood he had been in. "I don't know, I'm thinking maybe a fudge cake..." She smiled sheepishly. "I love chocolate."

Against his will, Sasuke's lips twitched in a grudging smile. Sakura noticed it and her grin widened.

"Only problem is," she said, laughing nervously, "I'm not much of a baker."

Sasuke peered up at her from behind his bangs. Naruto, coming up behind her, had obviously overheard because, in typical Naruto fashion, he slung his arm around her so abruptly she squealed in surprise. Ignoring this, as well as Sasuke's Look, Naruto said, "Why don't you get Sasuke to teach you? He's a whiz in the kitchen. He's got a frilly pink apron and everything."

"I do _not_," Sasuke snarled, "have a pink apron."

He turned his head to Sakura, who was looking at him hopefully, viridian eyes shining. Sasuke felt his stomach twist oddly at the sight. _What the hell?_

"Can you teach me Sasuke-kun? I mean, if you have time." She tacked that last part on abashedly, feeling a flush crawl across her face at the assumption that he would automatically say yes.

_"DO IT!"_ Naruto mouthed behind Sakura's back.

"Aa. I'll teach you how to bake, I guess." Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly, though the smile Sakura offered him made his stomach do weird things again.

Naruto pumped his fist silently behind Sakura's back. "Wait 'til you see his apron," he told her. "It says 'Kiss the Chef.'"

Sakura flushed at the insinuation. "Um. Right. Whenever is good for you, Sasuke-kun. I'm going to go. Over there." She pointed lamely at a random corner of the room, turned on her heel, and scampered off.

Naruto winked. "You need to spell it out for that girl. I'll get you the apron. You SO owe me for this."

Sasuke stood up. "Go away," he said, as both he and Naruto were walking back to their seats. "Where's Lee?"

"I told him a cat was stuck in a tree," he answered. Sasuke didn't know if he was serious or not. "Can you name your first kid after me?"

A punch in the back of his head was what he received for an answer.

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**A/N- So yes, obviously this IS a chaptered story, though just how many chapters there are going to be Annie and I aren't sure yet. Also, your reviews rock my world; thanks SO MUCH for all of them, and remember, reviews are what keep us going so don't forget to review!**

**(Note to FOMD readers: the next chapter WILL be up soon; sorry, school (and Gintama; mmm, Okita) are pwning my life right now.)**


	3. Chapter 3

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**Hey, uhm, Sasuke-kun? Are you busy?**

__

No. What do you want?

**Remember that bake sale thing? Can you, uh, teach me how to bake?**

__

Didn't you already ask me that?

__

**Oh. Oh yeah! Haha, sorry, I forgot...when do you want to start with the lessons?**

__

Annoying. We'll go after school. Meet me in the parking lot and don't be late.

__

**Wow, why so soon? What about all of your other school work? I don't want you to forget about that just to help me...**

__

Don't argue, Sakura. I'll see you at 3:10.

__

**Oh. Uhm. Okay then, Sasuke-kun! See you then!**

**-x-**

**So, Sakura-chan tells me you guys have got a hot date set up for tonight? Wink wink, nudge nudge. Nice going, Romeo!**

__

It is NOT a hot date, idiot; I'm merely teaching her how to bake. (Also, don't compare me to Romeo, that guy was a moron.)

**Exactly. Cuz guess who ELSE is a moron? Here's a hint: He has emo hair. And you can tell yourself that, but I know better. You're gonna slam her against that counter and--**

_Don't you DARE finish that sentence, dobe._

**You're so mean, Sasu-chan. I think you broke my wrist.**

_Good, idiot. It'll match your broken brain. That is, if you even have one._

_Which I highly doubt you do._

**I totally have a brain. It's how I come up with all these witty retorts. Such as: You don't mind the Sasu-chan? I KNEW you had a thing for me all these years!**

_Please go kill yourself if you think that I would lower my standards to not only being gay but actually having a thing for YOU._

**Who wouldn't want a piece of this? But okay, okay. I know, I'm no Sakura.**

_NO ONE wants a piece of THAT, Naruto. Also, I'm ignoring your last comment because otherwise I really WILL break your wrist._

**I'd like to see you try. And you're just too embarrassed. I get it. But grow up, Sasuke. What are you going to do when you're actually alone with her later?**

_...teach her how to bake, obviously. Dumbass. (Also, I'm not embarrassed. Stop using your crack and wake up to reality.)_

**AW, you're blushing! I knew it, you're having sick and twisted fantasies about her, aren't you? (You are so lucky I'm careful with these notes)**

_I am NOT blushing. It's just hot in this room, that's all. And the only person here who has fantasies of Sakura is YOU._

**(a) I have goosebumps from the cold, (b) I thought you were unaffected by temperature like us mere mortals, and (c) Shouldn't you be more jealous?**

_It's not cold in here, I'm still HUMAN, idiot; I'm not a robot, and jealous of WHAT?_

**Of boys lusting over your precious Sakura-chan. And hey, remember that time I poured water on you to see if you would spaz out like a robot? And Sakura snuck you into the Home Ec. room to dry your clothes?**

_Get to the point, dobe._

**All I'm saying is, she's worth more than your ego.**

**************************-x-**

"You're late."

Sakura stifled a groan as she walked up to Sasuke, leaning against the hood of his Mercedes. He didn't look at her, didn't even sound anything other than his usual apathetic, but...

"Sorry," she gasped. "Kurenai-sensei kept me late to talk about my test."

"Hn," he grunted, but glanced at her, finally, taking in her fly-away roseate hair, courtesy of sprinting towards the parking lot, and her rumpled clothing. Sakura ran a hand through her hair self-consciously--and then dropped her books.

"Damn!" she swore, and bent down to pick them up.

Sasuke crouched down before her to pick up her Sociology notebook. Papers scattered everywhere, spilling out of all her books. "You should be more organized. You'll lose things," he chided.

"Organized chaos," she replied absently, reaching out to take the book from him.

"Tch," he scoffed. "You're gonna wish you were more organized when finals roll around and you can't find some things."

Sakura merely sighed, tucking a lock of hair behind her head and standing up to chase the papers that had started blowing away.

"Would you like to bet on that?" she asked in a soft voice. She wasn't looking at him, but Sasuke could see the smirk playing about her lips. A similar one tugged at his own mouth. Cheeky girl.

"Bet with what? Money? Your baking skills?" Sakura scowled at him, muttering something incomprehensible beneath her breath as she grabbed all of her papers and made her way back to him.

"Loser has to be my man-slave," she said sarcastically... and then she slapped a hand to her mouth when Sasuke looked over the car at her from where he was unlocking the doors.

He shook his head lightly, amused. "Get in the car, Sakura." And she, blushing to the roots of her hair, had no choice but to comply.

It was quiet as Sasuke started the engine, and Sakura fiddled with the hem of her shirt, the blush still on her face.

"And what if _I _win?" Sasuke asked, and Sakura whipped her head to face him, mouth gaping open.

"Um." Sakura didn't know if he was serious or not. It's not like he actually _smiled_ - that would be crazy! "Same thing goes for you?"

Sasuke smirked. "So you'd agree to be my slave? And do whatever I told you to do?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, and Sakura suddenly felt wary, almost like she should say no and that she was just kidding--after all, she had seen Sasuke-kun's sadistic side first hand. (Never on her, though. Always with Naruto.)

"Nothing rated R," she said finally. And then she wanted to smack herself, because that didn't send out the wrong message _at all_ (and really, would she mind it so much? Because, that _face--_). "But, you know, you won't win. I'm good at exams."

He started the car, but she saw his smirk widen. "I wouldn't be so sure."

Sakura shot him a look and crossed her arms, feeling the competitive side of herself start to show. "Don't be so cocky, Sasuke-kun," she chided.

"Look who's talking," he muttered. "Are we still making the fudge cake?" When Sakura nodded, he said, "Good. I bought the ingredients."

For some reason, that made her break out into a shy, beaming smile. She was so weird.

**-x-**

Sakura had obviously never cooked anything beyond toast before, if the way she was holding the mixing spoon was any indication.

"You're not going to war, Sakura," Sasuke sighed. "Don't look so afraid."

Well, how couldn't she? She was standing by a very hot stove, and her knees were wobbling so much she could barely stand, because there was nothing hotter than a guy who could cook. Not that Sasuke needed to know that.

_Sasuke-kun is hot AND he's smart, _Sakura mentally corrected herself, then inwardly kicked herself; she was standing in front of a HOT stove; why was she letting her mind wander? Did she WANT to get burned severely?

Sasuke leaned towards her, taking the spoon from her hands--their fingers brushed and Sakura's face heated up--and showing her how to mix properly.

_Oh yeah. HE was the reason why she was letting her mind wander. Because when her mind wandered, it led to him._

"Focus, Sakura. You're going to hurt yourself." His breath ghosted the back of her neck, and she had to stifle a shiver.

"Sorry, Sasuke-kun." She wrapped her fingers around the wooden handle of the spoon. "I've got it now."

She already _knew _Sasuke-kun was smirking. At her. "Sure about that?" he asked, as the contents inside began to splatter on his counter from her poor mixing job.

_Kind of like my insides_, Sakura thought miserably. God, even _food_ wasn't safe from his utter gorgeousness. Or maybe that was her cooking--

Eventually the batter inside the bowl began to smooth out, looking more like, well, _batter _than something reminiscent to a hairball.

Sakura wrinkled her nose at that. _Ew, gross mental image._

"Now into the pan," Sasuke said, lifting the bowl and tipping it over the pre-heated pan. "Sakura felt like she should help, but she was just slightly rooted to the spot.

WHY was Sasuke putting his arms around her? Maybe she could duck out of the cage of his arms so he could bake in peace?

What did she do to deserve this?

"And now," Sasuke said, brushing a piece of hair out of his eyes and Sakura felt her stomach tumble at the sight, "we wait."

"For how long?" Sakura asked, and Sasuke glanced at her.

"About three hours."

"..."

Sakura felt that these were going to be the longest three hours of her life.

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**A/N-- Updates for this are going to be sporadic, so you're wasting time and energy PMing me to update this. Just warning you now that you guys shouldn't expect a fixed schedule. Especially now, since I'm drowning in projects and research papers, and then once THOSE are done and handed in, it's time to start studying for finals. I think my teachers' hate us. And I'm pretty sure that Annie will be busy, too, since she's graduating this year, so updates are going to be whenever one of us reminds the other. (Most of the time it's me, cause it's not like I don't have ENOUGH stuff to do, right?)**

**Anyway, review?**


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